and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
