Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i think my cat just said my name.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
