How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
