sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
