I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
