watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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