she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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