TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
