i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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