Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
