just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
