im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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