Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
