The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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