i don't like sucking hair
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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