theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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