you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
