someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
