I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize