I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
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