Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize