Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
