Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
