The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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