is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
