i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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