Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
