I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I am morally bankrupt
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
