i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
