yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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