I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
