i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
We had sex on a dog bed..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
