Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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