the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
