We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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