its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
