My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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