piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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