So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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