Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
