She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
