I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have feelings that need drinking.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
