how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
