I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
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