sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
