i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
