The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
