I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
