I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
