i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
