When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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