too bad you live with your parents still
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
