tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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