Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
