How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
