we're chasing vodka with high fives
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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