I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
