White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
