Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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