Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And then my night got REAL pukey
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
