Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
