Don't you send me to vm
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize