So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
