I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
