I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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