I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize